Did not get the grades, job, promotion or that award, no matter what life stage you are in rejection hurts.
It feels like being punched in the gut, leaving you writhing for breath, the air that once kept you afloat with dreams of success sucked out of you. Left with a narrative that will replay itself about how worthless you are.
Rejection hurts, though interestingly everyone has in some form or another felt it, having received ‘ I regret to inform you’, or ‘ It is our sincerest apologies’ or ‘We need to talk’ messages.
Gut wrenching, describes rejection, an emotional grip on your worth and likability. Instinctually it is akin to being ostracized from your tribe, left to fend alone.
It is a lonely place to be, no one is able to console you, and no words can ameliorate the pain. Their gentle, yet unconvincing clichés settle like a bee on a flower only to flit away, returning you to your hollow state.
Let’s put this in perspective.
If every person gets rejected by someone, at some point in their lives, then what makes you think you are the only one?
You are not alone in this pity party, woe is me moment.
Rejection is neither good nor bad, it essentially suggests that you have taken a risk.
The more rejections mean you have put yourself out there, taken a chance, and exposed yourself, despite the possibility of rejection.
Good on you!
If you want to minimize your rejections then take fewer risks, the downside to that you miss out on opportunities, personal growth and developing resiliency.
Next time you are rejected, have a pity party, invite your friends, whine and dine, then get up dust yourself off and leave. Identify what you could have done differently or acknowledged you did your best. If best, isn’t good enough it only means your life has detoured in a direction you did not expect.
Remember you are not alone; you have 7.5 billion friends who understand.
Recipe: Sitting with your rejection meditation
Following a rejection, take a seat, close your eyes.
Take 3 deep breaths, inhale through the nose, exhale either through the nose or mouth
Allow yourself to begin to calm your agitated nervous system
As your body relaxes, sit with the dominant feeling, choosing the one that stands out, not all of them at once
Identify where that feeling has settled in your body and breathe into it
If this is too painful, move into a child’s pose; place your forehead on the ground, with your bottom towards your heels.
Breathe, move away from the narrative, the beat yourself up voice, into the body.
Depending on the impact of the rejection, you may have to do this several times.
Remind yourself, you are not alone
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